you're a fucking waste of space, you motherfucker.

Don Ramon Red Wine

makes for Mad Men and Happy Times.

buttered popcorn

Hart is caged behind a thick wall of bamboo sticks. Talk to me, please. Before I peel away the sides of my eyes and my lashes fall like autumn leaves to the ground.


She dreams she has become very little, and walks around wearing a white tent, housing people who don't have one.

does 11:11am count?

Wait for it. Everything is going to spill forth momentarily. I concentrate on words such as 'Print Screen' and 'Dr.Guerny'. I am jaded, fixated. Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon. Everything is that much more relate-able right now. I feel every pore open and close, the heat generated in my face and my fingertips from the green tea I made. Looking, but not seeing anything. I am so, goddamn scared for my life. I honestly don't think I'm going to survive for very long. Does it matter, then, whether my casket is royal blue velvet, or whether I know how to ride a horse or not, whether I pick at the lint on my shirt or just leave it there? My existence is cubical. We've got heads on sticks. I'm not sure if I want to be the one doing the ordering around, then later be responsible for consequences. Turn out like Madoff, Palin, Cobain, Bhutto.
2:46 minutes into 'All I Need' makes my blood run faster in my body, and my hands clasp firmly together in prayer.

unravel

while you are away
my heart comes undone
slowly unravels
in a ball of yarn
the devil collects it
with a grin
our love
in a ball of yarn

he'll never return it

so when you come back
we'll have to make new love

standing inthe shadows

Kid A is a spaceship landing and humans emerging as aliens, exploring Newfoundland. They touch everything, they stare at each other from the corners of their eyes. And they talk in a mystical, computerized language. They find a crying baby. They look at each other. They throw it in the air, the baby cries. They hold it upside down, the baby cries. They jump, gravity-less, the baby cries. They hide in a cave to get away from the noise. They find underground water, it is aqua green. They dive in, helmets and all. Its a beautiful sight. Everything is illuminated here, and they wonder why the baby cries. They swim, touching, giggling. They emerge, wet and slimy, and follow the light of the sun out of the cave. It leads them to a cliff, and the crying is echoing in the valley. The helmets cannot keep them safe any longer. They finally board the spaceship, and blast off. The baby giggles at the disappearing fumes.

a day in the life

Nobody realizes how difficult rolling is for an on and off smoker. But by GOD cigarettes taste delish with Red Bull. I tried explaining to Majid that I quit smoking right after I started and the pack I bought 2 months ago is still pretty full. Oh fuuuuuuck I just burned the plastic off of something. See what I mean? Definitely on and off. So yeah. And I don't approve of it for lots of other reasons too; emphysema, yellow teeth, my lover doesn't want me to. But then I get this weird paranoia where I'm just me watching me and then I have to constantly keep my fingers busy doing something or I'll die. Like just, die. For example, went fucking ocd on my room, its spotless.
I swear this is so weird.
Could this be a divine revelation from god? Cuz I swear there's an angel standing watching me roll. I gulp my red bull nervously. Yum. Caffeine, cocaine. I took the recycling out though, good girl.

Ponder ponder ponder, I just want to write one-liners, put them in a top hat and pick them out at random to form stories. Or rows of houses that bear down on me. I opened the window and it closed on me. It always does that.

The burnt plastic made a string out of itself and its whisking away in the wind.

Unfortunately; interaction in necessary.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going through a massive heartbreak or any mental diseases, I'm just unbelievably jittery and I'm not sure I want to be here right now. I actually miss home a whole fucking lot. And I just realized, father's day is Sunday AND I'M SO EXCITED TO GO HOME. Even though my father's a pretty big...ok I'm going to refrain from going into personal life because...thats nobody's business but mine. Next question.

Omg right now I'm just thinking the train I took from London to Lincoln and how magniificent magnificent magnificent this tiny world is. I'm so so thirsty, what the hell.

I picked a magnolia flower (I've decided on a magnolia tree in my future abode) and I've been meaning to take pictures with it, but I just haven't gotten around to taking pictures period. So it wilted, for obvious reasons, and died.

wailing

Its amazing how much clarity chaos can deliver. The only thing missing is some good pot. Otherwise this would be totally awesome. I'm just lying straight-legged in bed listening to music in the dark. Did I mention I'm in the dark? Every note, every sound is that much more vivid. I can't believe how still I am. Ugh, weed would make invisible colors burst in the dark. Blast this straight-edginess.

i can't promise everything's going to be ok

'I've become a fantastic liar and a master at avoiding confrontations. I wonder if there's a God above, and whether He's laughing or crying..'